wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
