That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
