This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
