Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
