K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
