Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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