is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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