where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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