Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
