I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
