I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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