Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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