She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
