The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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