He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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