I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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