I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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