Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize