feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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