WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
