I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
