FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
