i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
