Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize