real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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