im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
