Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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