Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
