i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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