just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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