how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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