evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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