not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
