loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
