alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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