I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
