i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
