awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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