Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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