What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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