Swine flu. Run for my life!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
