WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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