We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
