Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
