Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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