I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
