I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
