At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize