smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Drunk is not a location!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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