I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
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