i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
