I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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