Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
