dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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