You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
