im about as happy as oj after his trial
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
