I just made out with a guy for $7.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize