i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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