mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i will never coherently bang her
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
