i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
