we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
