At least make sure they are 18
Why
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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