So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
