I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
