so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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