i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
