Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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