Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
