I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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