Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
