Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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