Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
