I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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