I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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