Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
