it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
