Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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