Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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