wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
