Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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