Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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