What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize