I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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