Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
