I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Enjoy the penises
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
