I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize