Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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