Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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